Heaven on a Stick

on august 29th, the j-shay sisters (jenny and jaime) walked to the minnesota state fair. jaime traveled over 2,000 miles specifically for the great minnesota get together. for you, dear viewers, a visual culinary journey:

We paid $8 each in admission.

Jaime spent $15 on food.

Jenny spent $14 on food.

We ate: cheese curds, fried veggies, salmon on a stick, chocolate chip cookies, french fries, and key lime pie on a stick.

We tossed: 3 cheese curds, 1/3 of the fried veggies, 4 chocolate chip cookies, 1/2 the french fries, and 1/3 of the key lime pie.

We drank: 12 ounces of diet coke.

Jenny smoked 1 cigarette.

Jaime ate 13 Tums when they got home.

Cheese curds have been known to sit in a stomach for 7 years.

We didn't eat: pronto pups, corn dogs
(don't trip while eating them - the pointy stick will go straight into your brain), foot longs, scotch egg on a stick (blech), alligator on a stick, pickles on a stick, deep fried oreos, deep fried candy bars, deep fried twinkies, elephant ears, funnel cakes, macaroni on a stick (we tried it last year - tastes like deep fried stale mac-n-cheese), apples smothered in caramel, shakes/malts/milk from the dairy barn, corn fritters (but we heard they're good - maybe next year?), pork chops on a stick, nutrolls, ben and jerry's, buffalo burgers, elk burgers, cheese on a stick, french meadow bakery scones, fried green tomatoes, cotton candy (a sure staple at the fair - how did we miss it?!), pasties, mini donuts, honey ice cream, and TONS of other stuff. maybe next year?

fried cheese curds. i've waited since 2002 to savor this intricate combination of cheeze and greaze. mmmmm.....tastes like fried. stay tuned for...fried cheeze turds.

mmmm....veggies...covered in batter, then deep fried...topped with ranch dressing

a) turds on a stick; b) a large army of poop-tanks heading towards iraq; c) the bush administration finally decide to take the sticks out of their asses; d) chocolate-covered nut rolls; e) all of the above.

it was big, it was juicy, it was salty...it was the norwegian on a stick (salmon). back to my roots, yo. this one's for da homies.

people, this is not right. horses do not belong on top of trailers.

at the state fair, do not use your fingers to remove fries from the cup. place cup in front of mouth and eat directly from it.

un-deep-fried tums. :(

jenny committing the ultimate minnesota sin; people have been sent to the chair for this. intentional misuse of a cheese curd (people screaming in the background).

uh, like, need we say more? (jenny: "WHAT??? FIVE DOLLARS???")

this was the line for deep-fried cheesy bacon pork shoulder butt on a stick. we didn't have the patience.

effin biznitch eating all the cookies thinks she can have them all to herself that little HI! jaime here. we love sweet martha's coooookies.

i totally bonged this cup o fries. totally.

deep fried oreo or key lime pie on a stick? do oreos need improving? so we try the pie. we don't like key lime.

NEW! Yes, there is crop-art at the state fair. Check out Matt Fugate's photos - scroll down for Har Mar Superstar!

1,741,825 people attended the state fair this year.

You will see lots and lots of teenage PDA.

You will see lots and lots of pregnant women (lots of action goin' on last December?). Apparently the Minnesota State Fair is the center of prenatal health as well.

We heard the B-52's warming up for the evening's grandstand show. 15 years ago, the thought of the B-52's at the state fair would have been comical. Now, it's just a little sad. But they're way better than Boston & Night Ranger, who played the first night of the fair.

You can take the girl out of a small town, but you can take the small town out of the girl = big, bleached blond hair and lots-o-eye makeup (gotta love that metallic slate).

The state's biggest boar has balls the size of volley balls.

Poultry barns do not smell like chicken sh*t.

Your feet will be run over numerous times by strollers and wagons.

You can buy frozen Sweet Martha's chocolate chip cookie dough at local grocery stores. Let Jenny know if you're interested - she can ship some to you in dry ice.

All 11 dairy princesses have their likenesses sculpted in 85 pounds of butter, which they keep. They basically look the same, with different hairstyles.

It's the largest state fair in the country. Type "State Fair" in Google and the MN State Fair is ranked #1.

The average weight of the Minnesota State Fair goer is 287.5 lbs.

On average, 78 people step in fresh dung whilst wearing sandals each day of the Fair. We saw it happen. It was super funny.